good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
