If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
