I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
