Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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