i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
