i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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