someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
