Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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