i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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