My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
