I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
