Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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