go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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