If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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