Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
