she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
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