If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
