it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
