I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
