An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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