capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
