dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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