Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
