I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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