You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
