i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
