i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
