Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
