I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
PANTIES FOUND
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