One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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