wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
