I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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