if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I don't deserve a penis
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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