be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
