just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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