Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
