You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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