I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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