Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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