oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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