you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
