She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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