I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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