The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
