apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
