just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
