Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
