Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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