i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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