forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
accomplished twins. life is a go
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
